Stress-fest

Wow, I can’t believe I haven’t posted an update since my birthday. I’d love to say it’s because everything has been going great, but if you guys know me at all by now you know that when I don’t post it’s usually because I am stressed out. The day after my birthday, Eric was called into work and told his company was closing as of that day. The City of Denver decided not to renew their contract and apparently that was keeping their company afloat. This is obviously not the surprise we needed. We still have about $20,000 in outstanding medical bills and have been sending all of our extra money towards these and I am laying awake scared at night. It’s not good. I’ve been handling it pretty well I think, but it is hard. According to my quick googling, 60% of bankruptcies are due to medical bills and I am quickly understanding just how that happens. It’s not bad enough to go through something like this, but you literally have to be at the poverty level to qualify for any kind of assistance so there really seems to be no where to turn. It’s very frustrating for this to be the state of affairs on top of having cancer. There really needs to be a better way.
Anyway, with that in mind, I shamelessly remind everyone that you can click on the “Make a Donation” tab to help us out.

I was able to restart radiation last week and Wednesday will be my last day of treatment. I think that’s part of why I’m laying up at night honestly. This time was supposed to be nothing but happy, exciting and amazing in my head. I will be done with treatment. FINALLY. But I’m so worried about everything else I don’t really feel like I can enjoy it. It’s really not anyone’s fault, but that sucks. I have been planning to get a tattoo on my last day for a long time but I can’t do even that now. I need to snap out of it, I know that wallowing doesn’t help anything. I know that Eric is doing everything he can to find work and it really hasn’t been that long, but it just sucks I know that I will always remember the end of treatment and this is just not what I want to remember. Seems like the hits keep coming and I’m not sure how that keeps happening. I don’t want to blame karma since I didn’t even know if I was going to make it through this past year and I willingly cashed in all my points. I know no one owes us anything but I could really use a break. And I need to stop bitching. So…

In other news, Fletcher had to get staples in his head last week after falling into a sample cart at Costco. He went into full autism melt down and had to be held down by four people to get the staples in so that was fun. I completely rocked his world by crying afterwards and he told me that he didn’t know grown ups could cry. I guess I need to show a little more emotion around him but I’m really not much of a cryer. I’ve cried twice since being diagnosed and then this time with him at Children’s. I don’t blog about crying because I’m hiding it – I really am just not a cryer. I have no problem letting it fly if I feel like it but it’s just not there very often. Anyway, he got the staples out yesterday and was a champ. They let us keep them so he has been looking at them pretty much constantly and is a tough little man.

Evelyn is doing well and has managed to not get stitches so far this month. That in itself is a party. She has however been waking up literally every night between 3:00 and 4:00 and keeping me up for at least an hour, which tonight turned into a stress fest with me laying up awake and coming out to blog. This has been going on for about a month (her not sleeping, not me stressing like this). So I’m officially sleep deprived on top of everything else. Which makes me very bitchy and prone to feeling sorry for myself (can you tell?)

So far treatment is going well, I am not burned but my new fresh skin (from where I’ve been peeling) is starting to match the dark, burned skin. The doctor said that the old burns will for sure peel but we’re hoping the fresh skin will be able to recover. I have to make an appointment with my plastic surgeon to get my right side filled back up so that I can have even boobs again. Won’t that be a treat. He said it would take 2-3 fills and we should be able to start this week. I’m hoping the fills won’t be as painful since that tissue has already been stretched once.

I also have a couple posts in my head that will come up pretty quickly over the next couple days. I got a fascinating lesson in radiation therapy from the physicist at Rad/Onc the other day and now have a whole new appreciation for the treatment which I will of course share with you. Also, I have figured out what to put all of my positive energy into and have officially launched that so I can now share it with you, but it deserves it’s own post so you’ll have to wait just a little longer to find out.

Good to know you’re still here to bitch to in the middle of the night. I better see if I can actually catch an hour of sleep before the kids wake up. Today will be a better day.

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