Taking control (or at least trying to)

Yesterday I decided that one of the things I love to do is go jog so screw it, I was going to try. Since I’ve been doing nothing since getting diagnosed, this really translates into a walk with a few one minute jog stints. It felt good to put my exercise clothes on. My foobs (fake boobs) actually looked decent in a sports bra. I went out and enjoyed the sun, the breeze, and being alone out there. It was nice. I did throw up about 5 times along the way, but I still felt good. I felt free. The expanders are not comfortable to jog with and I think I’ll need to stick to walking in the future, but it was something that made me feel like me again which was awesome. I came home and took a shower, throwing up several more times in there. Clearly things aren’t balancing, but at least I’m getting some positives.

I felt great after the exercise for about 20 minutes and then a headache set in and I had to lay down. I did make myself some basmati rice and black beans which is one of the first things I’ve eaten this week. Then I took a nap before a family trip to Costco. I got all my juicing stuff and lots of berries and good things to eat. Eric and the kids ate at Costco after shopping – Evelyn dipping her huge hot dog in ketchup was hilarious. I got through the rest of the day throwing up here and there – I’ve gotten rather stealthy and can just lean over and puke between cars in the parking lot. It’s a super great skill to have, let me tell you. By the end of the day I had lost count but it was a pretty high number. The good side is that these are not “everybody out of the pool” kind of puking so I think most things are managing to stay down. I also ate some ramen noodles before bed and have been making tea so I’m getting lots of hydration.

I started having phone calls with my mother in law last night. She is awesome and does life coaching. She’s working me through a program for people with issues like I’m having and I’m hoping it will help. She’s got me doing some breathing techniques to work on distracting my brain from all-that-makes-me-puke along with some meditation. So far I think it’s helping.

This morning I had a bowl of strawberries, blueberries and grapes which for me is huge progress. Also, everything has stayed down (knock on wood). I have to get my life back.

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3 Responses to Taking control (or at least trying to)

  1. Kate says:

    Hi Jen. You’re doing such a wonderful thing sharing your story and bringing hope to those that at mights may feel hopeless. Very happy to have found your blog and looking forward to following you into a great remission. My family and I are trying to bring the kind of hope you’re brining to so many to those suffering from Nut Midline Carcinoma, the aggressive cancer that took my cousin just 8 weeks after diagnosis, by spreading awareness as this cancer has no form of effective treatment. If you would like to see our blog here is the link. God Bless. Looking forward to reading more from you!
    http://stridesforstephenstepstocurenmc.wordpress.com/stephensstory/

  2. Lara says:

    That’s awesome! The positivity you are feeling is a great thing to read. Let’s hope the dark days are over and you can start to get your life back.

  3. SO happy you got to take some time and do some “you ” things like jogging and family shopping. I hope this helps you lots.

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