Well, I almost made it through without puking yesterday. Fletcher had a birthday party in the afternoon which I wanted to go to. We dropped Evelyn off with my folks and Eric and I both went to the party so that I could rest while Eric kept up with Fletch. Turns out it’s really hard for me to not talk about cancer. It’s what people want to know about and of course it’s on my mind all the time. So I ended up puking in the bathroom next to three pre-teen girls who were taking pictures for their facebook pages. It reminded me of being a kid hanging out at the roller rink with my friends. They were so into their pictures that they appeared to not notice me throwing up a few stalls over which was fine by me. Eric took me home and I threw up a few more times but then I felt better and I actually ate a little last night. This morning has been hit-and-miss, mostly good but a little heaving too.
I really need to figure out a way out of this. My mind got me here so I should be able to think my way out, right? I’ve never felt so out of control of myself. It’s bizarre.
There are positive things happening. My hair is starting to come back. I actually need to pluck my eyebrows, I didn’t even remember what they looked like in their natural state. My eyelashes are coming in, although they are still short. The hair on my head is getting fuzzy, it looks dark and reminds me of the minions from Despicable Me. I’m going to have to start shaving again – that has been a nice vacation at least. This chemo is supposed to be one of the better ones for hair loss so my doctor expects it to keep coming back, slowly, even during treatment.
Also, Evelyn is starting to use the potty which is amazing. I got her a little potty chair because she kept wanting to sit on the potty but got scared of the big one. She immediately started using it and has even pooped in it! I know enough about this to not count any chickens before they hatch, but it’s certainly encouraging to see.
I’m going to try and get back to blogging more often. I think just doing more of my “normal” activities will help me – fake it ’til I make it anyway.