Well, here we are. The night before surgery and I’m still feeling pretty calm. I think I’m blocking a lot of it as it really still seems like I’m watching a movie rather than actually living this. I really still can’t believe I have cancer. So part of me is still really at step one in this whole journey. But, my body is at this step and I guess my mind will catch up when it can. I had a thought at dinner tonight that today was the last day that I will wear a bra. I guess I might wear one later, but it was certainly the last time I wore one out of necessity. The woman at my support group who had the same surgery I am going to just wears a little camisole – not even one with a shelf bra. Amazing. None of it seems real, but maybe it will after I wake up.
The plan for tomorrow is to get up and take another shower. Eric is taking me to the hospital and dad will meet us there. I’ll be taking the Valium with a “tiny” sip of water on the way. Check in is at 5:30am. Not sure what they’re going to do with me for two hours, but I will get prepped. Then I’ll go down to the breast care center for the injections at 7:30. After that’s done, I will have the plastic surgeon come draw on me and the anesthesiologist will bring me the good stuff. Then I won’t care or be stressed which will be good. Too bad he can’t give some of that to my family. Surgery will start and Eric will be updating whenever there is news so check in tomorrow for those. You can subscribe to my blog and then you’ll get emails whenever there are updates if you want to do that. Just look for the subscribe button – it’s around here somewhere.
So that’s it. No more boobies. But, no more cancer. I think the latter outweighs the former. My boobs have been good to me. They’ve done their job, and fed my children and unfortunately this is the end of our relationship. I don’t feel like crying about it. I don’t feel much of anything about it honestly right now. It is a lot more important for me to be here for my kids. To be here for my family. To be a survivor. Tomorrow is the first real step. And it’s a doozy.
Think good thoughts, send positive energy, pray. Do whatever you do and please hope in my direction. Waking up from surgery is the first big win so I’m excited to get there. I’ll see you on the other side.