Shouldn’t I be freaking out?

It’s Tuesday. Surgery is the day after tomorrow. I think it’s fair to say that I’m thinking about it more as I get closer, but so far I don’t feel freaked out about it which I find very strange. Most of my thoughts are more of why-am-I-not-freaking-out rather than thinking about the actual surgery.

I think that I am secure in the knowledge that we are doing the only remaining thing to get this cancer out. It has laughed in the face of everything else we’ve done so I think we are all ready to just get it out. I think recovery is going to be hard. The doctors and nurses have prepared me for a very challenging time right after surgery so I’m bracing myself for that. Practicing relaxation and thinking good thoughts. I just need to get through the first day and a half and then it sounds like things will get easier. Hopefully they will keep me drugged enough that it will be manageable. I’m sure they will.

I’m not looking forward to the dye injection before surgery, but the doctor gave me Valium for that so hopefully I won’t be too concerned at the time. The anesthesiologist is supposed to call me tomorrow night so we can go over everything – and I can find out just how quickly he can have me drugged (like can he make me not care about the dye injection and would the Valium keep him from giving me other things). So basically my plan is to be as out of it as possible once things actually start moving as I’m sure the day of is going to be hard.

Yesterday I stayed super busy and completed almost my entire list of things to get done before surgery. I was tired by the end of the day, but feel pretty good about my progress. Today I can do most of the remaining items and am scheduled for a massage around lunchtime. I’m going out with a friend tonight so that will be fun. Neither of us ever get out so we have no idea where to go or what to do. We are old and out of touch. 🙂

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One Response to Shouldn’t I be freaking out?

  1. dietriotgirl says:

    enjoy your day! the 29th is surgery day? I’ll be sending you lots of positive thoughts that day. Best of luck!

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