I think I’m getting there – it’s hard to tell with the cold I have coming back, but I think I’m finally getting over the chemo and actually have a break. Three months of chemo makes it a little hard to comprehend.
Here’s my rundown for side effects:
Hair – I know all my remaining fuzzy hair is going to go poof in a few days and I will have a shiny dome most likely just in time for Thanksgiving.
Mouth – The Adriamycin completely burned my tongue. It was bad. Super sore, no taste buds, blister like spots on my tongue, and it just flat out hurt all the time. That is finally getting better and I’m starting to be able to taste again which is awesome. I’ve read that sucking on ice during treatment stops this from happening so I’m going to be doing that in the future for sure.
Bone Pain – this has been really bothering me in my left foot of all places. I’ve been pretty gimpy for several days and have managed to give myself some foot cramps trying to walk in ways that don’t bother my foot. Hopefully that will improve this week.
I’m hoping for increased energy as the week goes on as well as improvements with my dry skin and everything else. I’m still requiring a daily nap and am not able to go out for very long. When we do the AC rounds after surgery, it is going to be rough. They want to keep me on an every two week cycle so I imagine that I will be pretty much out of commission for those 6 weeks. As it is I barely get out of my jammies and I’ve only had one.
I joined a message board a couple weeks ago and have been reading up on what to expect from surgery. The emotional part seems to be the hardest for everyone – the waiting and anticipation. I do have that to an extent, but for the most part my boobies and I have broken up. We are not on speaking terms right now. I think the setback we’ve had has changed me a lot in terms of my feelings about the whole thing. I just don’t want to die. If that means cutting off whatever, then so be it. Now, I’m sure as surgery gets closer I will most likely change my tune a bit as I am really afraid of going under anesthesia and all of the surgical stuff. But I feel like I’ve had to look my own mortality in the face and I don’t think anyone is the same after that. I thought I was doing that at the beginning, but I was still concerned with how I was going to look after surgery so I wasn’t all the way there. The biggest thing I’ve learned in the past three months is that breast cancer is not breast cancer is not breast cancer. Every case is different. Triple negative is called the “deadly” breast cancer. I’ve learned that it is the most likely type to be resistant to chemo (sound familiar?). And I’ve learned that it is not pink, fuzzy, or nice. So I do feel that getting it out of my body is the most important thing. I wish I didn’t have to wait another week and a half, but I’m sure it will be here before I know it. I’m happy I’m getting the PET scan tomorrow so we can see what we are actually dealing with at this point and I am hopeful that it will not have spread. In any case, at least we will know what we are dealing with and I would always rather know then not. I think I’ve got about a month off of chemo which is something to celebrate – I think I’m even allowed to have a drink at Thanksgiving!
This weekend has been hard for other reasons too – Evelyn caught my cold which turned into croup for her. She’s been fighting a fever all weekend (100 with ibuprofen, above 102 without) and has been quarantined at my parents house. The doctor saw her on Saturday and gave them a steroid which helped her tremendously and she finally broke the fever today. She will come home tomorrow and I’m so happy she is better. I’m so thankful to my parents for taking such good care of her and staying up all night to do it. I am thankful that I got to rest, but I’ve never been away from her before so that has been hard. I don’t know what I would have done if they were not here and I could not have been around her. I seem to be relapsing with the same virus, but I’m hoping it won’t get too bad since my body has fought it off so recently. Seems like it should have whatever it needs in there to conquer it. I’ve been taking zinc lozenges, unfortunately I can’t take ibuprofen within 2 weeks of surgery so I can’t have help from that but at least I haven’t felt too bad. It will be interesting to see my counts tomorrow at the hospital and know where my RBC and WBC’s are. Tomorrow will be a good day – everyone will be home and my sister is coming in town for the week. I will get to see the baby belly 🙂