Waiting is the hardest part

I’ve been keeping myself busy (with the help of my folks) and feel like I’m in a bit of a better place emotionally. So that’s a plus. It is hard not knowing – the waiting is always the worst part. I’ve gotten the PET scan scheduled for Monday at 1:00. They are going to rush the report to have it ready for my oncologist appointment at 10:30 Tuesday morning. I’m also meeting with the multi-disciplinary committee at The University of Colorado Breast Center on Wednesday to get their take on my situation. Basically a formal second opinion with all the players (surgical, oncologist, radiation oncologist) to see if they would have anything different in their recommended approach. They have been really fast getting everything set up over there to have it ready for next week. I feel like I’ve been battling to get the PET scheduled so it was crazy to see how fast they managed to get all of my information.

I am still quite exhausted – I can’t make it through a full day without a nap. On Wednesday I ran some errands and got a massage and then passed out on my parent’s couch. Yesterday I took it easy and did some of my Pampered Chef stuff from the fundraiser – which was awesome and I can’t thank everyone enough for taking time out of your weekend to come see me and support us. Then I paid bills and ran to the grocery store for a few things. That trip to the store was a little much so I think I’ll be doing that supervised for a while longer. I’m planning to close my PC show on the 20th so let me know if you’d like anything. 🙂

Want a little taste of how out of it I am? Eric drove my car on Tuesday. He got pulled over. Not only did my tags expire in SEPTEMBER, but he couldn’t find the registration or proof of insurance in my car. Turned out the registration was stuck in the owners manual, but I am fully to blame for the other things. I have never had things like that lapse. It is strange to be reminded just how out of it I am – normal things just don’t occur to me at all. I don’t even remember getting the post card that my tags were due, but I bet I did somewhere along the line. It probably came when I was first diagnosed in August and I know I was in a daze then. Sigh… At least it was only a $25 fine.

My sister is coming in town on Monday – it doesn’t seem like Thanksgiving. I can’t help but wonder if it would seem like the holidays if all this wasn’t going on. It’s early this year so it just doesn’t seem like time yet. Next week I have my pre-op appointments and I think I need to do my Christmas shopping for the kids. Not sure how much I’ll feel like being out and about after surgery – with drains to deal with and all that even after I’m feeling good enough to be up. I need to get some button down shirts/pajamas to wear for a while. It’s strange to think about not being able to or wanting to go out for a while. All the things I need to do to prepare for that.

Also, as much as I still am afraid of the surgery, I feel like I’m doing a lot better about the body image stuff afterwards. At least for now. I’ve made a rapid mental transition to worrying about scars and not being perfect to having a much stronger desire to have the cancer out of me. I am much more interested in survival, not having a recurrence, and moving on. My boobs have been good to me, they’ve fed my children and done their job. Now it’s time for survival, and I’m sorry girls but you are not in that plan. We will deal with the aftermath as we need to and do the best we can with all the cosmetic stuff.

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3 Responses to Waiting is the hardest part

  1. bigusfickes says:

    The car stuff is all my fault. Although it’s probably because Fletch wasn’t in the back saying “DON’T DRIVE TOO FAST!”.

    I’ll still haven’t told him I got a speeding ticket.

  2. hkt4life says:

    Jen
    Have you seen the blog comfortably numb on WordPress? I just began following her a couple of weeks ago. She just had the double bilateral mastectomy last week. She talks about her experience. My surgery will not be til January but I am worried about it too. I found it really helpful to read about experience and her advice. Check it out if you are up to it.
    Hugs,
    Heather

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