Here it comes

I’ve felt pretty good since getting chemo on Tuesday. I am very sensitive to the sunlight which isn’t the easiest thing living in Denver. I’m a mile closer to the sun than most of the country. And I can feel every inch of it. I am not traditionally a wait-for-the-closest-spot kind of person in a parking lot. I don’t mind a little walk. But now I can feel every moment in the sun. It is a strange feeling for me – being aware of just how long it takes to transfer groceries or kids to the car, the sun always making me rush. I need to figure out a better way to handle this part. The constant pressure isn’t good.

My brain is also out to lunch. I’m not sure if this is the “chemo brain” kicking in already or just a reflection on my stress/anxiety level for the past month. I’ve started spending at least a few minutes a day doing brain puzzles – sudoku, mazes, etc. just like the doctor told me to do. It’s supposed to help keep my brain active so I won’t be so affected, but she said to expect to have some mental lapses and need to think harder about every day things. Like remembering which hand is right and which is left. You know – the tough stuff. I’m working on making lists and hoping that it’s just the stress and may get better.

After picking Fletch up from school today, I found myself suddenly and completely exhausted. Like I didn’t know if I should be driving kind of exhausted. Luckily school is super close to my parents house so I went over there. I was met by some lovely women from her quilting bee who made me a BEAUTIFUL quilt to take to chemo (they even made it extra long to tuck under my freezing feet). I will post a picture tomorrow – it is perfect for me, the right colors and all scrappy and beautiful and full of messages to encourage me. So touching that these women would all spend their time putting together something for me. After receiving this most recent wonderful gift, I went and passed out in their guest room. I didn’t wake up until almost 6:00.

Tonight I still feel exhausted, have no appetite and feel generally crappy. Flu-like. Just like they told me. So I’m guessing this is the chemo. Here it comes. But you know what? I say bring it on. Because as crappy as I feel, this is the first time that the tumor is feeling crappy too. Take that tumor. And get used to it. Because this feeling isn’t going to let up for five months. And by then, you will be gone.

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4 Responses to Here it comes

  1. so sorry you are going through this, but it is so neat that you are posting about it, to help us all understand what you are going through! You are strong!

  2. Damn straight. You tell that tumor. Doesn’t know who it’s messing with, does it?

  3. Nikki Brunswig says:

    I love it Jenn. Keep up the fight!

  4. Lori Williams says:

    As i tell others. It seems when your at one of your worst moments in life, is when you realize how strong you are. And i find that to be true for the most part, sometimes i am sure we all feel we aren’t that strong,but in real we are deep inside of us. The Quilt sounds wonderful, will be looking forward to see the pictures. We are all thinking of you here all the time Jen you and the whole family. xoxo

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