My odds

All that typing and I forgot to write about one of the most important bits. I got my first “odds” report. This one came from the oncologist and looked at my percentage of being alive and cancer free after 10 years. With a lumpectomy and radiation my odds were in the 50’s. Adding chemo my odds went up to 79%. That was a bit of a shock to me. I really expected that number to be higher. She said if I respond well to the chemo before surgery (which they expect), those odds will likely increase. Let’s hope. It is pretty sobering to see odds like that. 10 years. The kids won’t even be grown up yet. 21% chance of being gone or having cancer. Saying that sucks doesn’t even begin to touch it. The only option I have is to do everything I can to make those odds better.

I am not looking forward to surgery, but I feel like having chemo first will make that easier. I just have to wait to see what tomorrow brings and what the results of the genetic testing show. I don’t want it to be spreading and of course I don’t want to stress about my family having the gene – but I do see that it would take the surgical decisions away and make everything clear. It would be nice to not be stressed about what is the best thing to do. I feel guilty even saying that. Like I should just know what the right thing is but if you’ve ever seen me try to pick out something at the store, you know that pulling the trigger is not my strongest quality. I do feel that the bilateral mastectomy would give me the best odds so I still feel like that’s really what I need to do. Just hard thinking about what the actual experience will be like. I think I need to do the least amount of thinking possible and just move forward and do what needs to be done. Just get through it, know I’m going to live and then I can read back over my blogs and think about everything.

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2 Responses to My odds

  1. Leigh says:

    Just. So. Much. To. Take. In.

    I say coast for as long as you can without thinking because that ol’ brain of yours has a wild imagination and the numbers they are giving you are just a guess, right? No point in worrying about something that is NOT set in stone, amiright? I love your honesty though and I know that if I were in your shoes, I would have quite a few tussles with my brain too.

    In the meantime, watch as many funny movies as you can to get some good healing laughter in your body. Have you seen any of Jim Gaffigan’s stand ups or Mitch Hedberg? Oh…or Flight of the Conchords? You need to just sit back and let funny dudes tickle your funny bone. That sounded dirty.

    BTW… I get the award of commentor of the week and it’s only Monday. Yay me!

  2. dietriotgirl says:

    Don’t get hung up over ” the odds”. Everyone is different. Your genes are different. Your body is different. Your cancer is different. But mostly important your spirit is different. Your will to live and will to fight is strong. Those numbers are just “educated” assumptions based off a handful of people in clinical studies. It doesn’t include every single person, ever. Plus, these studies are always time lagged. Like you’ve been talking about these new approaches and trails and applications for your type of cancer… they have been having success with it. In a few years your see your treatment plan and results for prognosis stats based on what you went through.
    These stats just give you an idea of what it can achieve. But, it’s not limited to those numbers.

    The doctors threw terrible numbers and percents at us. They put my fiance on a time line- 3-5 years to LIVE. I called bullshit. And I was right. It’s been almost two years ( a year and half) since his cancer diagnosis and his MRI are still stable. No new cancer. No tumor regrowth. That was unheard of in his case when we started off. I got to a point when i just told the doctors( and closed the laptop with prognosis statistics) and said to myself ” if its up to my hubby or the odds I’ll pick the hubby every time”.

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